So today was the Big Day--the day we were slotted to wow the community and come back, regal style, into the world of Soltaneous existence. (yes Rachel, I did borrow your phrase I so often read). And of course, yours truly volunteered to be the "Head Chef"--that seemingly responsible individual who charts all the courses and fills all the bottles. Well, it was a little crazy I must say. I forgot some ingredients and I didn't get up at 7 am to prepare like I had done during my dreams the night before. To me, ever the "anal perfectionist" (sometimes) it seemed so different from what I remember before. I realized it's a lot of work to be outwardly 'responsible' for all the activities happening around me. Before I had always assumed responsibility for the elements I thought I could control but never had I vocally expressed such responsibility. I was really frustrated today because the food was a little toasted and the sandwiches I had dreamed about I had not enough time to prepare. But the food was good, nevertheless. At least, I was quite satified in their masticulation.
I wonder if, should I persue culinary school, how my palate will change and adapt. Who decides whether something is "good"? Who decided that certain tastes are superior to others and that certain flavor combinations actually even belong together? I fear that I am not original or creative enough to create such connections on my own without dissapointing others or especially, myself. I am not even sure if cooking is really the path for me. Sometimes I get a big head about it and just assume that I will be good--just like I sometimes do for writing, bowling (but not frequently!), or other areas in which I occasionally have some luck accomplishing my goals. I have a hard time assessing that I have successfully developed skills or comprehensive knowledge of my pursuits. I guess that is why I need more school!
On another note, I was realizing today during some personal reflection how important it is to be appreciate of simply simple things, like hugs or smiles or true personifications of individual character. Today for instance, the simple act of receiving a smile was enough to totally invert my mood and bring me momentary peace. But the simple act of actually acknowledging that something is simply great is quite difficult to attain somedays. I am always amazed how completely compounded I become in the daily grind of this stressful life and significantly my unwillingness tolet go once I have created a pseudo pattern or dare say, habit, of the stressful downplay. Time alone in a moving car often allots me space to reflect on just where I'm headed and where I want to turn up, both figuratively and realistically. To easier find this joy is what I wish I was better at!
